I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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