some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
