Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
