it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
