Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
