So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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