sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
