Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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