I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
