Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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