im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
