Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
