will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
