All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
