Moan for me like Helen Keller
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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