I could have mohawked her pubes.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
