she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
