So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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