Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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