listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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