Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
