Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Floor bacon is actually really good
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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