did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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