I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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