dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
