Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize