i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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