Kiss
Puke
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
