if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
