I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
