Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
