You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize