I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Text me some of your sweat
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
