then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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