Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
