why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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