I wish life had little blips of pornography
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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