Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize