I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
