I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
