Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
