i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
