I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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