my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
