I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
How external is "for external use only"?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
