I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
