I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
