At least make sure they are 18
Why
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
