Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
