I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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