She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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