I'm really into asian looking animals
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You took a bar mat shot.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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