I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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