On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
