so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
