Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
