my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
