now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
