I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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