officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
