omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
