Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
