someone get that fucking seahorse.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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