Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
