it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
