Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
