I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
