Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
