Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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