Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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