Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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