He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
