I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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