I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
