The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
