So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize