PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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