Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
