your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
