My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
